I love every second I have here at home with my Grace (even the seemingly endless time in the middle of the night when I'm exhausted and she won't let me put her down). It breaks my heart to think about missing even a single moment with her. How will I ever make it through a day of her at day care across town from my work?
In the U.S., currently there is no paid maternity leave. The best thing we have is the F.M.L.A. (Family Medical Leave Act), which allows for 12 weeks unpaid in which your job is guaranteed for you upon return. I was able to use sick days (and "teacher sick bank"), to have 6 weeks off paid. Fortunately, Brian is careful with our finances (even though I am not so much), and he encouraged me to take as much additional time off as I could, even if it meant I would have no salary for several months.
So, I took 6 weeks paid, 6 weeks unpaid, plus an additional 3 weeks unpaid due to Christmas break and mid-winter break. If I could have had any more unpaid time, I would take it. But I can't.
I will go back to work on March 14. I think about March 14 about 10 times a day.
During this maternity leave, I have gotten to know everything about this little angel of mine.
Every single waking moment of mine is spent with her. I've kept track of every feeding, every diaper, and every minute of sleep she's had since she was born. My whole world stopped last November, and became all Grace all the time. In November, when I became a mom, my teaching job was passed on to a very capable sub, my home duties were all passed on to Brian, and my whole life was to be her mom.
Now, I have to get ready to do both. I have to get ready to be a teacher, and a wife, and a mom. I have so much anxiety just thinking about it.
When I go back to work, I plan to drop Grace off at 7 am and pick her up at 5. That's 10 hours of her life every single day that I won't be there for. She is my whole world, and I will be missing out on almost half of her life every single day.
Another point, how will I ever make it through a day of teaching first grade on zero sleep?
My poor first graders this year. The first three months of the year, they had a third-trimester pregnant teacher. I couldn't bend over, I couldn't move quickly, and I couldn't even stand up for very long at a time. The second three months of the school year, they had a substitute teacher (whom I'm sure was fine, but still a sub). Then, the last three months, they will have me back again, but this time as a sleep-deprived, emotional wreck, brand new mom. I'm hoping my students' parents will be kind and understanding as I transition back to my life with their first grade babies.
Here's what my maternity leave life is like: eat, play, eat, sleep. I'm either breastfeeding, sitting on the floor with the baby, or rocking/patting/bouncing/breastfeeding again her to get her to nap/sleep. It's one big blur. It's almost impossible to do laundry, clean up, cook, or even shower, because as soon as she falls asleep, I try desperately to fall asleep as well. I don't want to waste a minute of her sleep, because my sleep is so precious to me and so lacking right now. I know this doesn't sound glamorous, or even a desirable day at all. But it's perfect for Grace and me. I love our days, no matter how repetitive and monotonous they are.
How strange it will feel to widen my world back up, to enter back into public places, and interact with adults!
Millions of women have made this transition before me, and all survived and thrived as both successful employees, functioning members of society and moms simultaneously. I know I can do it. In fact, it will be good for me to figure out life as both a mom and a real person (who actually showers and wears a bra).
I'm going to cherish these last 5 weeks of maternity leave with my precious baby. I'm going to focus on enjoying every moment with her during this countdown to March 14th.
And even though I love my teaching job, I'll be starting a new countdown, to June 18th, when Grace and Mommy time can begin again.
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