Postpartum - 8 Weeks

I can't believe that just 8 weeks ago was Grace's first day in this world.  Looking back, I didn't know what I was in for.  All I knew was that this tiny creature had been placed in our care.  Her whole life was up to us.  Now, it's been 8 weeks, and things are better than ever.

Here's an update of where I am 8 weeks postpartum:

Physically:

One week before and one week after giving birth.
Her face in this picture makes me laugh.

Pain level:  The first week, I was in serious pain.  I had to take tylenol and Ibuprofen on a regular rotation.  It hurt to walk and it seriously hurt to sit.  That first week was hard to begin with because I had no sleep anyway, and it made healing "down there" so much harder.  The second and third weeks were slightly better, yet the strong back pain kicked in at that point. Finally, at 4 weeks postpartum, I felt healed down there, and the back pain went away.  What a relief.  Taking care of a newborn leaves no time for the mom to take care of herself.  So, when I was finally no longer in pain, it made taking care of baby so much better.

Weight gain: I gained 30 pounds during the whole pregnancy.  I started at 120 and ended at 150.  Leaving the hospital, my uterus was still enormous and I still looked very much pregnant.  I weighed myself 2 weeks postpartum, and I weighed 125 pounds.  I could not believe it.  25 pounds had come off of me in 2 weeks??  At this rate, I thought, I will be back to 120 in no time, and probably even lose more weight!
Well, it's been 8 weeks now, and I'm still right at 125.  Those last 5 pounds are not going anywhere unless I do something about it.  (Unlike the first 25 pounds, which literally disappeared without me doing anything at all about it, besides breastfeeding).  My stomach is still very soft and "poofy".

So, nature helped me lose most of my baby weight, but now it's up to me to actually get my body back.

Emotionally:

I am a very emotional person.  I always have been emotional, and the hormones from pregnancy and childbirth didn't do anything to help my emotions.  I don't think I have postpartum depression, but I definitely still have lots of emotions.

The first few weeks, I could cry at the drop of a hat.  I could cry because my nipples hurt so much and I knew "breast is best", but it was killing me and painful and just so hard..  I could cry because I hadn't slept in days and I didn't know if I was ever going to sleep again.  I could cry because I missed my husband and to be honest, I missed my old life.

Grace at just one day old.
She had been crying for hours.
I was exhausted and terrified.
I wish I could go back in time and tell myself:
"It gets better, it really does.
Hang in there. You're doing great."
I really needed to hear those words.

Now, 8 weeks later, emotionally I am fine.  I do sometimes cry now, but it's not because I'm in pain.  I mostly cry because I love this baby so much.  It is really hard to explain, but I just love her in a different, more powerful love than I have ever felt in my whole life.  I love her so much it hurts, and when I cry, it's not because I'm sad or because I'm happy.  I cry because I know that this time is going to pass in the blink of an eye.

Overall:
When I gave birth to Grace, I also gave birth to a new me.  The old me was pretty selfish to be honest, and mostly concerned with myself at all times.   I was obsessed with getting as much sleep as possible, with social media, shopping for new clothes, and looking nice.  Now, I'm obsessed with how much sleep Grace is getting (when did she sleep last? Is she over-tired? How many hours did she sleep?), how much she is eating, and doing everything possible to be the best mom I can.  I haven't looked nice in a really long time. Tonight I took a shower for the first time in days, and it was heavenly.

Having Grace in our lives for these past 8 weeks has been amazing.  It's also been exhausting and stressful.  But mostly, it's been amazing.