Wow, my whole last month was a blur. Grace Jacqueline is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life.
I have spent the last month indoors, feeding, diapering, cuddling, rocking, and holding. The first three weeks were really hard. I mean, really hard.
The first weekend, she lost 12% of her birth weight. So, on Monday (November 30), her pediatrician was very concerned, and apparently I wasn’t breastfeeding her enough! This started me on a whole journey of pumping, bottle feeding, AND breastfeeding. Breastfeeding became VERY painful, and was so frustrating to me. I was tempted to use formula. I just wanted to pump, because her latch was so painful and my nipples were so sore, but I kept at it. I went to multiple lactation consultant appointments (all covered by insurance - yay!), and cried at each one. As a new mom, all I wanted was to be able to feed my baby girl enough so that she was content. I felt like every time I breastfed, I had to give an additional full bottle of pumped milk after in order for her to be full.
Sleep was a whole different issue. For the first 4 weeks of Grace’s life, she had her days and nights completely switched around. She slept ALL day. Literally, three hour nap, wake up to feed, and another three hour nap. Then, she was up ALL night. Up for hours straight, crying and fussing. It was exhausting and emotionally draining. (I am someone who was used to getting straight 8 hours and then napping daily)!
In addition, my body took a few weeks to heal. The 2nd degree perineal tear was actually very painful. It hurt to sit. I couldn’t curl up on the couch, I had to sit with my legs together. Also, my lower back seriously hurt to walk! I’m not sure if that was from the long labor, the intense pushing, the epidural, or from bad breast-feeding posture, but it REALLY hurt.
Finally, now Grace is 5.5 weeks old, and I honestly feel like I have it somewhat together.
My back pain is gone! My perineal tear seems healed (still bleeding, but healed)!
And my baby has kind of figured out that nighttime is for longer sleeps.
Breastfeeding no longer hurts!! One lactation consultant told me to give my left side a 24-hour rest (but still pump to maintain supply). I gave my left side almost a whole-week rest. It did affect my supply, because my left side produces far less than right, BUT, I can nurse her from the left now with no pain.
So, now, here I am 5.5 weeks into this journey of motherhood. I still rarely shower, my clothes are all dirty because Grace’s laundry is all that matters. But honestly, I am happier than I have ever been.
Grace is growing so much. She has outgrown “newborn” clothes, and fits perfectly into “3-month” sizes. She has long legs and loves to kick them! She had a really bad bout of baby acne :-( from weeks 3-5, but it’s starting to clear up now. Her eyes are still dark blue, but surely will change to brown eventually.
She has started to social smile (not just smile in her sleep), and it is the sweetest thing ever. I have yet to catch a really good one on camera though.
Being a mother is harder than I could have imagined, but also more amazing than I could have imagined. She makes my whole life complete. I am SO lucky to be her mom.
Brian has also fallen head over heels for our baby girl. He has provided me SO much support and help throughout this first challenging month. He buys ALL the groceries (even expensive fruit for me). He cleans up the whole house. He put nightlights all over the first floor so I can see at night. He put a dimmer switch in her nursery for nighttime diaper changes. He bought her sweet baby clothes. He put our humidifier in the room I sleep in with her, even though he’s the one who truly needs a humidifier in order to sleep. He put an air purifier near our room, so that she is breathing in filtered air. He takes out all of the garbage and recycle. He has been amazing. I am so lucky.
And today starts the first of 2.5 more months that I have with her. I know it’s going to fly by. My goals for the rest of maternity leave:
- Sleep Train baby so that we get solid 4-5 hour stretches at night.
- Solidify my day care plan and pay a deposit.
- Start doing minor workouts while baby naps.
- Stop shopping online! I need to SAVE money, not spend it.
- Start pumping more, every chance I get. (Want to have pumped milk stored for when she goes to daycare).
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