One Year with Baby Grace

We have now had a one-year old baby for 2 weeks.  Being a parent is everything I ever dreamed it would be.  It is also much harder, much more stressful, but much more amazing than I ever imagined.

Grace has given me the greatest gift in the world in this baby. Grace has made me a mom. I love her smiles, her giggles, her curiosity, her spunk, and her sweet sweet little face. I love holding her more than anything (even though she's a solid 20-plus pounds now).

My first month of motherhood was so hard. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. She rarely slept more than two hours at a time. Breastfeeding was excruciatingly painful, and I cried and had to take deep breaths each time she fed.  (And she fed all day and all night).
By months 2 and 3, things started really looking up. She slept slightly longer (3 hours at a time, sometimes) and breastfeeding finally stopped hurting.

Month 4 was awful. I went back to work, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.
It is still gut-wrenching for me to think about my first day back at work. I woke up, put on makeup for the first time in weeks, packed myself a lunch, and packed bottles for my baby (even though I knew she provably wouldn't take them). Brian and I drove to Nemeh's house (basically a perfect stranger at that time), I handed my tiny bundle off to her in the pitch black early morning, I went to my car, and I wept. The guilt and separation feeling was absolutely overwhelming and awful. The first day I picked her up, a little toddler said "that baby cry all day", which was just another punch to my gut.  She had refused a bottle the entire first day. Somehow though, she and I survived it. She learned to take bottles. I learned how to pump during my lunches, and do lesson plans late at night after she has gone to bed.

She got sick almost immediately after starting daycare. Her pink cheeks and stuffed nose added to my already-long list of reasons I hated leaving her SO young to be at daycare full of germs.
But we got through it.

When Grace was 6 months old, summer came, school let out and I had the most glorious summer with my angel baby. She and I took a vacation with my family to the coast of North Carolina. She got some extra time with her grandparents and cousins when we went to Ludington in August. And she spent some time playing in my classroom while my parents and I set it up for the school year in August.

Grace started solids over the summer, and so taking her to restaurants became so much fun. Brian and I loved taking her to brunch.  And we started a routine of Saturday night Mass and out to dinner after with my parents.
By the fall, heading back to work was not as bad, but of course, still stressful, and hard for me.

Despite being back at work, fall was just wonderful with our baby. She crawled around in the leaves.  I took her on walks after work. 
Grace made some "friends" at daycare, and she smiles when she sees them at arrival. That takes away a lot of guilt for me.

At the end of October/early November we had another rough patch: Grace got her first ear infection.
She had been acting really off, just not as happy, and fussing for seemingly no reason. Finally, it got so bad, she was up many times one night, clearly miserable, so I took her in to the dr. (Taking her into the doctor isn't easy. I had to take a sick day at work, which meant driving back in to school after I put her to bed, then from 8-10pm writing up sub plans and get materials ready for the sub.  I never take sick days for myself, but for her, I'll do whatever I have to).
She was diagnosed with a double ear infection and put on antibiotics. She seemed to get better almost immediately the next day, which was wonderful! Then, she took a huge dive that evening and seemed worse than before. The hardest part for me was seeing her in such a lethargic state. She is a feisty, active baby, and seeing her just lay on the floor, staring blankly and avoiding eye contact was just heartbreaking and really scary for me as a first time parent.
Thankfully, after an entire week on antibiotics, two sick days for me, many sleepless nights for both Grace and me, she was finally back to her active and happy self.
We finished off her first year with a fun Thanksgiving weekend in Ludington, complete with a special first birthday party for Grace.
I can't believe it has been a whole year since she was born.  I miss that tiny little bundle.  But I'm also completely in love with my big 1-year old bundle of energy.
And another season begins, and time marches on.  Looking forward to see what Grace's second year with us will bring.