Looking Forward, Not Back

Every day I get a "Moment Garden" email, that shows me pictures and videos of Grace from exactly 6 months ago today and exactly one year ago today.  When this picture was sent today in my Moment Garden from one year ago, it just slightly broke my heart.

March 2016

How can I simultaneously be head over heels in love with my current toddler, and yet mourn actual tears for this baby who she once was?  This sweet sweet innocent baby who I just love with my whole heart.

My mind has already erased the hard parts of that time of life, one year ago exactly.  She was almost 4 months old, and she was sleeping for no longer than 2 hours at a time at night (3 if we were lucky).  Which meant she woke up at 10pm, midnight, 2am, 4am and then I had to get up for work by 6. I was working in a complete zombie state, and missing her every moment of every work day.  She got her first cold after only one week of daycare.

March 2017

That time of life was exhausting, and yet I ache to hold her as a baby just one more time.  I cannot believe how fleeting that year of her life went by.  How did each day seem to feel so long, and yet I blinked and and a whole year was gone?

So right now, I want to look forward.  Instead of mourning the passage of time, I want to celebrate it.  She will become a little girl and then a big girl, and there are so many good things to look forward to for that. So, I made a list of some of my favorite childhood experiences that I can't wait for her to have.  

What I'm Looking Forward To:

- sledding down Vet's hill, cross country skiing in Eberwhite Woods, or downhill skiing somewhere Up North Michigan, and then coming indoors with frozen cheeks, to warm up with a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows

- discovering new books, characters, series, and enjoy reading them together

- pulling Grace in a wagon

- jumping on a trampoline for hours on end

- making friends, being excited to see them, making up silly dances together, having inside jokes, exploring outdoors with them.

- lots and lots of cousin time!

- going camping, waking up outdoors, and sitting on a picnic table eating blueberry pancakes made on a travel grill 

- Capture the Flag.  This game was so thrilling for me as a kid, whether it was gym class, or summer camp, or around the neighborhood. 

- blueberry picking, strawberry picking, apple picking!  She already loves fruit, so I know she'll love picking it fresh.

- Camp Michigania!  It it one of my most favorite childhood experiences, and someday I would love for Grace to go there.

- being on a sport team, practicing and working hard, and experiencing what it's like to win with that team

- Mackinac Island

Then, there's some childhood experiences that I didn't exactly have, but I can't wait for her to have one day:

- Disney World!  (I went at age 2 and age 16.  I think Grace would appreciate it more sometime between ages 3 - 10).

- The American Girl store in Chicago.

- Ludington! The beach, House of Flavors, going on a boat on Hamlin Lake, watching the fireworks and then walking home to Grandma and Grandpa's house

- Taking mother/daughter/grandmother vacations

- Visiting her Uncle Brian and Aunt Vidhya in Chicago

- Being a big sister.  I don't know if this will ever happen for Grace, but if someday it did, I just know she would be a wonderful big sister.

I'm sure there are much more.  So, when I get my daily e-mails showing me what my sweet baby looked like one year ago, I'm going to think about this list and all the things I want to do with her. I cannot wait to see the little human she is going to become.

15 Months Old - Our Toddler

My baby Grace is seeming less and less like a baby every single day.
She has been a true walker for just a little over a month now.  She's solid on her legs and just a little mini person now.  She toddles all over our house, and now unfortunately has started climbing on everything she can.  (The ottoman, the stool, the highchair, boxes, anything left out in her reach).  She's saying all kinds of words, and "talking" all the time.

She's a busy and social little girl, always putting her toys inside other things (cabinets, drawers, purses, paper bags), always looking for more to explore.  She loves meeting new people, even if she acts shy sometimes at first.


Here's the latest with Grace:

Teeth:
I think 12.  6 on top and 6 on bottom.  Still a gap between her front teeth and her back molars.

Sleep:
Grace goes to bed around 7:30 pm every night.  She goes down with no trouble at all, and sleeps until around 1/2 am.  Then nurses, and goes back to bed around 2/3 am and sleeps until 7:30 am.

She naps daily from about 12 to about 2.
It's a pretty good sleep schedule (minus the middle of the night wakeup). 
She had about a week in February where she slept through the night, no waking up in the middle at all.  But, my body wasn't used to it and didn't know what to do!  I found myself waking up at 1am wide awake for 2-3 hours waiting for her to wake up also!

When she ever someday sleeps through, I really hope my body adjusts back at some point as well.  A solid night sleep is just such a foreign concept to me anymore.

Eating: 
We are still breastfeeding 3-4 times a day, but it really does seem like she is nursing for shorter and shorter amounts of time at each feed.  I'm wondering if this is the start of self-weaning? And she is still loving her solids. But, she's also a lot pickier with her solids now too.  Meal times are always hit or miss.  She does love a few foods though: cheese, cracker, cheerios, blueberries, and kiwi!

Sizes:
She is still wearing size 4 diapers.  She's now wearing mostly 18-24 months, but there are a few items from her 12-18 months size that still fit.
At her 14 month appointment, she was 77% for weight, and 94% for height!  We knew she was tall, because she's passed a lot of babies at daycare that are her same age or older.  It's interesting to hear the stats though.

Likes:
Grace still loves her Bunny.  Bunny goes everywhere she goes (except the bath).  It's really interesting to see how it's such a comfort item for her, a security blanket.  She kisses bunny (so sweet), and sometimes when she wakes up, she'll stroke bunny until she falls back asleep, or until someone comes to get her.  Bunny came on the plane with us to Florida, and came back covered in sunscreen and airport germs.  Then, Grace got a cold, and used Bunny as her Kleenex for a whole week.  So, Bunny went in the washing machine for the first time, and thankfully, came out fine!   She still loves all animals, especially kitties!
Grace still loves books!  I'm enjoying searching for new books for her based on ones she currently likes.  It will be fun when we can start reading longer books with more interesting plots together.  Grace loves fake cell phones.  She would love real ones, except I don't let her have those.
Grace loves climbing.  This is trouble, because there is truly no safe place for her to climb.  She loves both of her grandpas, and even says "Bumpa" now for Grandpa.
Grace still loves Peek-a-Boo, I'll be so sad when she outgrows it!  It's her way of showing people that she likes them and wants to socialize with them.
She loves opening drawers and putting stuff in them, particularly the bathroom drawers.

She loves being outdoors!  We had some unseasonably warm weather in February, and so we went outside after school every day for awhile. She loved going in her swing in the backyard and walking up and down the sidewalk on our street.  But now, it's been cold and fairly wet lately (snowy/rainy), so I've avoided the outdoor walks for awhile.  I'm definitely looking forward to spring and summer and taking more walks around the neighborhood with her.



Dislikes:
For the first time in her life, Grace had a week where she disliked bath-time!  There was one night where the water was too hot and then for about a week after, she refused to get in or stay in for more than a minute.  I bought a turtle "stuffed animal" that is meant to be used in the bath, hoping it would be something she could cuddle during bath-time.  At first she wasn't happy it was in the bath with her, but now she's warming up to it, and bathtime seems fairly pleasant again (thank goodness!  It's  vital part of our bedtime routine)!
She is also not liking her highchair much anymore.  She'll sit in it, but gets mad when I buckle the tray in.
She doesn't like when I try to do her hair.  I don't know how some people are able to put braids in their toddler's hair.  She barely sits still long enough for me to get a mini ponytail!
As she gets older, her likes and dislikes are becoming more and more clear.

Language:
Another big change for this age is her language!  I don't know if this is what they mean by "language explosion", but it certainly feels like an explosion of words to me. We've started a google doc here with all of her words, and my mom organized it by category for us.  Having Grace communicate through words is leaps and bounds better than all of her grunts and fusses.  It is amazing to see how quickly she can learn a word.  For example, I recently bought that stuffed turtle to help with bath time.  She learned quickly to point at it and say "tootle".  But then, a few days later, we're reading a book, and she sees a picture of a turtle in the book, and says "tootle! tootle!" Yes, baby girl, you're right!
Her favorite word currently is "Uppy!".  It means "up", "down", "help", "open this" and probably more.  My current favorite word of hers is "bumpa" for Grandpa.

Grace has some super sweet behaviors that just melt my heart.  I love when she takes a stuffed animal or doll, and wraps it up in a blanket (or random towel or whatever), and says "nigh nigh" to it.  I love when she blows kisses, or says "Byeee!", or kisses us. Grace can give some very sweet hugs.  They are rare, and only last for a few seconds, but when you get one, it's wonderful.


Every day I think about how lucky I am to be her mom.  When she calls for me, ("Mommeee"), I know how lucky I am to be the one to comfort her and hold her.

Brian and I have such a big task.  Brian wants to raise her to be hardworking, independent, and persistent.  I want to raise her to be kind, polite, and humble.  But no matter what she ends up like, she will always be perfect in my mind.

Family Trip to Florida

      At the end of February, we took a family vacation with Brian's family to Orlando, Florida. Being with family, and seeing Grace's joy being around her extended family was wonderful.  But, the word "vacation" is used very loosely in this term.  Traveling with Grace is not a vacation by any means, and was absolutely exhausting. 

The flight down was hard because she didn't fall asleep once until the plane started to descend.  That means she was awake for 2 full hours while we tried to keep her from pulling/pushing/grabbing/kicking the chair in front of us. It's literally all she wanted to do the whole way down. 

Max and Dylan are truly the sweetest big cousins she could possibly have.  They make her giggle, they run around with her, they look after her, they share their toys and their snacks, and bring her Bunny every time she calls "Bu-ee!! Bu-ee!" She is so lucky to have them.

Grace was a little apprehensive of the water, but she LOVED the water slide!

Agh it's so hard to get a picture with her! Still hoping to get a good mother/daughter picture someday!

Grace just loves her cousin Max! She talks about him all the time now that we're home.

This trip will always be a great memory for us!

  

13/14 Months Old - We Have a Walker!

We've been having a wonderful couple of months with Grace  Her personality is funny, silly, feisty, and sweet.  One of the sweetest things she does right now is to take a stuffed animal and a piece of fabric (like a shirt, a coat, or a blanket),  wrap the stuffed animal up, and then hug it or rock it.  When she does this, it really melts my heart.

She is a baby just full of smiles, sweet hugs, kisses, and giggles.  We love every bit of her.

And our biggest news: As of 14 months old, Grace is officially walking!

Technically, she was "walking" at 12 months, but only a few steps at a time and always straight into someone's arms.  She is now walking as her mode of transportation.  It's shaky and unsteady and perfectly adorable.

Here are some of her other latest updates:

Teeth:
So many teeth, 10 in fact! Grace has 6 on top, including 4 incisors and 2 molars. She has 4 incisors on bottom, and 2 bottom molars are about to break through.

Sleep:
Grace is officially down to 1 nap a day (with the rare occasional 2nd nap).  She goes to bed around 7:30 pm, wakes up once sometime between midnight and 4, and then wakes up for good around 7 am.  It's still tiring to be woken up once in the night, but I don't mind it and I love all my peaceful snuggles with her.

Eating:
We are still breastfeeding!  She breastfeeds about 3-4 times a day. (about 7 am, 4pm, 7pm, and 2am). Grace loves all food, but especially blueberries, raspberries, chicken, cheese, and pasta.  Mealtimes are still messy and not always easy.  It's hard to figure out exactly what she's in the mood for, and she has no problem throwing food overboard or rubbing her food all over her face or in her hair.  There always ends up to be pieces of food left in the high chair, saved as a snack for later!

Sizes:
Grace's 12 month stuff doesn't really fit anymore, so she's solidly into 18 months.  I've bought a few 18-24 months stuff, and that currently seems a little big.  So, she's kind of in an awkward in between stage of sizes.

Social:
Grace definitely seems to moved past her stranger anxiety phase.  She still needs a little time to warm up around someone new, but she doesn't really bury her face away from new people anymore.  Also, she's okay if I'm not in her line of vision now, no longer saying a constant "Mama Mama Mama" until she sees me again.  I do a little bit miss her sweet attachment, but it's much easier to leave her at daycare now, with no tears.

Bunny:
A current update on Grace wouldn't be complete without a mention of Bunny. Grace is absolutely attached and somewhat obsessed with her bunny.  She is constantly aware of Bunny's location, and will call out for Bunny if it's not in sight.  The other babies at daycare will bring it to her every time she drops it or leaves it another room and calls out for it, and sometimes she makes a game out of it.  We've already purchased a second, identical bunny and have it stored in the closet for now as backup.

Climbing:
In addition to walking, Grace is also now climbing.  She has a huge sense of curiosity, yet no sense of danger.  So, she loves to explore and climb, and will dive headfirst off of sofas or chairs if someone isn't there to catch her. Our house is mostly baby-proofed, but she is continuously pushing limits and discovering new ways to find danger!

Sickness:
Grace has stayed (relatively) healthy so far this winter.  The worst sickness she's had so far in her life was the ear infection at around 11 months.  She's had a few colds this winter, an on and off runny nose, a version of Hand Foot Mouth (with no sores on her hands, feet, or mouth), but overall, she's been pretty healthy! (Knock on wood).  She even managed to stay healthy when all 3 of her primary caregivers (Me, Brian, and my mom) each had a stomach flu (probably norovirus), one after another.

Likes:
Grace is loving books, more than she ever has before.  She will carry a book over, climb into my lap, and snuggle right in for book after book.  She also loves animals!  She saw a kitty once in our backyard, and now says (her own version of) "kitty kitty kitty" every time she looks outside into the backyard!  Sometimes, she goes to a local "Cat Cafe" with my mom on Tuesdays or Thursdays.  I'm looking forward to taking walks when the weather gets nicer, and hopefully seeing some dogs or cats (or even squirrels) when we're out and about!

Dislikes:
She really dislikes when she isn't allowed to do what she wants to do.  (For example, if she wants to go in another room and I won't let her, or if she wants something she can't have, like the remote control).  She will have a "mini tantrum", that I think may be a preview to bigger tantrums that toddlers have around 2/3 years old.  She also dislikes diaper changes, and tries to squirm and wiggle away.

Talking:

Grace has at least 20 words now!  Here are the words that I can think of:

Dada
Mama
Mommy
Bunny
Wawa (water)
Door
Oh no
No
Go go go
run run run
hop hop hop
Mouth
Nose
Clock
Cup
Tickle
Cow
Moo
Car
Moon
Bo (book)
Pop pop pop
Co (coat)
Uppy (up)
Dow (down)
Giggle
Mou (mouse)

13-14 months has been an exhausting but fun age.  She's on the move, which is exhausting.  But, she's understanding so much of what we say and she's communicating what she wants, which is a huge help.  Her smiles and her giggles are truly just amazing.

I am absolutely in love with our sweet angel baby.  Or maybe now I need to say, our sweet angel toddler!

Grace's First Birthday

Grace is such a lucky baby to have two sets of wonderful grandparents who both made her first birthday so special for her.

First, we celebrated in Ann Arbor, with Grandma and Grandpa LaMoreaux, Great Grandpa LaMoreaux, and cousin Jamie LaMoreaux (who happened to be in town from Florida).

Grandma made a special healthy banana muffin with strained yogurt topping for her frosting. Grace loved it!  

After she had licked the "frosting" for awhile, I tried to take it so I could cut it into smaller pieces, and she grabbed the whole thing from me!

She got some sweet gifts, including a very special book Grandma LaMoreaux made.  It is a baby board book that has our immediate family members and their pictures, so Grace can start to remember family members and their pictures.

So far, she likes to look at everyone's page, but only points at Brian's picture and says "Da".  I'm looking forward to seeing her learn all of our family's names and being able to point them out in her family book.

Then the day before her actual birthday, we celebrated Grace again with a party that Grandma Lindsay put together in Ludington.  Grandma Lindsay also made a special healthy cake with yogurt frosting, and Grace loved it!  

Grace got her very own kitchen set from the Bailey family, and a pink baby doll stroller and some adorable outfits from Grandma and Grandpa Lindsay!

Brian and I talk every day about how lucky we are to have such supportive grandparents in Grace's life.  Grace's first birthday was just perfect, and we owe it to them. 

12 Months Old Baby - "MamaMama"

Our baby is officially one!
Here is the latest update with Grace:

Teeth:
Still 6 teeth! 4 on top, with spaces in between, and 2 on bottom.  She seems to be teething all the time though, so I'm sure more are soon to come.


Sleep:
Minus a few setbacks (sickness, teething, and travel), sleep has been great!  We are down to one wake up a night on most nights. Some nights more, some nights less.  After almost a year of living in a fog on broken sleep, I almost feel like a functioning adult again.  She still takes 2 naps a day, but seems to be somewhat transitioning into 1 solid mid-day nap.

Food:
Grace eats everything!  She loves almost all food, but especially fruits (like her mama).  She still nurses 3-4 times per day.  She still gets water out of a sippy cup.  I've been trying whole milk in the sippy cup, but so far she hasn't shown much interest.

Sizes:
Grace is still wearing size 12-18 months and her diapers are still size 4.

Talking:
Grace has a few words:
- Da
- Mama
- doh (dog)
- buh (bunny)
- nahnah (no-no)

She clearly and consistently identifies Brian as "Da", but also still uses that sound for other items and other people too.  She now clearly says "Buh" for her stuffed bunny.  She very clearly calls for me "Mama! Mama!" when I am out of sight or even in the same room but not holding her.  She can say "doh" for dog, and she makes a "leeedle" sound for "kitty".  It is very cool to see her very slowly get a grasp on the English language, she is always watching, always listening, and always learning.

Comprehending:
It has become really obvious that Grace is understanding some/a lot of what we say.  When we say "Where is bunny?" she will crawl over to her bunny and hug it.  Or if I say, "Come here to Mama and I'll read you this book", she will crawl over to me (depending on if she wants to or not). She is motioning and gesturing for things and really comprehending.  It's cool because she can really communicate to let us know if she wants more or is done with something.

Walking:
Well, she's been standing up supported for 4 months! And is just now feeling more confident to let go with both hands to stand unsupported once in a while.  She definitely has the body strength and stability to stand up without holding on to anything, but at this point we're just waiting for her to feel ready to do it.  She will walk anywhere by pushing her push-cart, but has never taken more than one step without it.  She seems so close, it seems like she is ready to walk this month!  But she has also seemed ready for many months in a row now.

Attachment/Anxiety: 
Grace is going through a bit of an attachment/stranger anxiety phase.  She is currently preferring me to all others, and will cry for me if I'm gone (even in the next room).  It is very sweet, but also a bit exhausting.
In addition, she loves staring at strangers/people when we are out and about, but as soon as that person gives Grace attention, she buries her face into my shoulder and peeks out.
I'm fairly confident that this is just a phase, because she never was very shy before.



Anyway, Grace at age one is just a beautiful and sweet little thing.  Every day, Brian and I just look at her in awe of how lucky we are to be her parents.

One Year with Baby Grace

We have now had a one-year old baby for 2 weeks.  Being a parent is everything I ever dreamed it would be.  It is also much harder, much more stressful, but much more amazing than I ever imagined.

Grace has given me the greatest gift in the world in this baby. Grace has made me a mom. I love her smiles, her giggles, her curiosity, her spunk, and her sweet sweet little face. I love holding her more than anything (even though she's a solid 20-plus pounds now).

My first month of motherhood was so hard. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. She rarely slept more than two hours at a time. Breastfeeding was excruciatingly painful, and I cried and had to take deep breaths each time she fed.  (And she fed all day and all night).
By months 2 and 3, things started really looking up. She slept slightly longer (3 hours at a time, sometimes) and breastfeeding finally stopped hurting.

Month 4 was awful. I went back to work, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.
It is still gut-wrenching for me to think about my first day back at work. I woke up, put on makeup for the first time in weeks, packed myself a lunch, and packed bottles for my baby (even though I knew she provably wouldn't take them). Brian and I drove to Nemeh's house (basically a perfect stranger at that time), I handed my tiny bundle off to her in the pitch black early morning, I went to my car, and I wept. The guilt and separation feeling was absolutely overwhelming and awful. The first day I picked her up, a little toddler said "that baby cry all day", which was just another punch to my gut.  She had refused a bottle the entire first day. Somehow though, she and I survived it. She learned to take bottles. I learned how to pump during my lunches, and do lesson plans late at night after she has gone to bed.

She got sick almost immediately after starting daycare. Her pink cheeks and stuffed nose added to my already-long list of reasons I hated leaving her SO young to be at daycare full of germs.
But we got through it.

When Grace was 6 months old, summer came, school let out and I had the most glorious summer with my angel baby. She and I took a vacation with my family to the coast of North Carolina. She got some extra time with her grandparents and cousins when we went to Ludington in August. And she spent some time playing in my classroom while my parents and I set it up for the school year in August.

Grace started solids over the summer, and so taking her to restaurants became so much fun. Brian and I loved taking her to brunch.  And we started a routine of Saturday night Mass and out to dinner after with my parents.
By the fall, heading back to work was not as bad, but of course, still stressful, and hard for me.

Despite being back at work, fall was just wonderful with our baby. She crawled around in the leaves.  I took her on walks after work. 
Grace made some "friends" at daycare, and she smiles when she sees them at arrival. That takes away a lot of guilt for me.

At the end of October/early November we had another rough patch: Grace got her first ear infection.
She had been acting really off, just not as happy, and fussing for seemingly no reason. Finally, it got so bad, she was up many times one night, clearly miserable, so I took her in to the dr. (Taking her into the doctor isn't easy. I had to take a sick day at work, which meant driving back in to school after I put her to bed, then from 8-10pm writing up sub plans and get materials ready for the sub.  I never take sick days for myself, but for her, I'll do whatever I have to).
She was diagnosed with a double ear infection and put on antibiotics. She seemed to get better almost immediately the next day, which was wonderful! Then, she took a huge dive that evening and seemed worse than before. The hardest part for me was seeing her in such a lethargic state. She is a feisty, active baby, and seeing her just lay on the floor, staring blankly and avoiding eye contact was just heartbreaking and really scary for me as a first time parent.
Thankfully, after an entire week on antibiotics, two sick days for me, many sleepless nights for both Grace and me, she was finally back to her active and happy self.
We finished off her first year with a fun Thanksgiving weekend in Ludington, complete with a special first birthday party for Grace.
I can't believe it has been a whole year since she was born.  I miss that tiny little bundle.  But I'm also completely in love with my big 1-year old bundle of energy.
And another season begins, and time marches on.  Looking forward to see what Grace's second year with us will bring.